None But My Leaves

Blackbird Solo Cover

2011-07-11T14:52:00.001+08:00

Struggle

2011-05-10T22:16:00.002+08:00

I struggle. I find it hard to live in such a world where things aren't usually in their purest form, black and white. I am bombarded with choices, good and bad, and I sometimes make the right mistake.

I feel that there is much sadness and aimlessness in this world. I've seen how humans take apart one another, bit by bit, to reach the top echelons of the world. I've seen friends fall, and never get up. I've seen myself caught in a web of guilt, forever haunted by the mistakes of the past.

And yet there is light at the end of this dark and harrowing tunnel. There is hope in this land devoid of sanity. There is yet faith in the darkest of hours. And that is what keeps me moving on, no matter the storms or earthquakes that may befall my journey. I grit my teeth, I fasten my eyes towards the harsh dark road, and I take a step, one at a time, closer to a destiny in which I do not know.

Many times I stumble and a creeping shadow pulls me back towards the darkness. But a hand, bright as the morning and warm as the love of a mother's embrace, grips mine as firmly as a stout mountain stands against an ever raging sea, and urges me forward.

Urges me to move. Urges me to not to give in. Urges me not to conform. I have seen my fair shares of mistakes and broken regrets and I know the pain that lingers in every torn soul lost in the sea of shame. I do not intend to fall into the same aimless cycle again and again and have myself be pulled out by a force greater than any man could ever comprehend. It is not right. It is not going to get me anywhere. So I move.

I am not alone. I once, through my own sorrow and brooding, had thought that all had forsaken me, all had left me to wither and die in the place. But no, there are still warm souls out there, that are seeking something, just as I am. We aid each other, through courage and spirit, through our sweat and tears, through our meager victories, and through our gentle silences. We. Are. Not. Alone.

Though thunders cast a bright hue of fear across the skies, we will march into the clouds and claim the rain. Though the demons find us to feast upon, we will bare our fangs and fight, fight and fight, until blood has lost all its meaning. Though the loved ones we seek are far and distant, we will walk even on fire to find a place to call home.

Though we are here, we will never. NEVER. Forget.

We will prevail.

The Walk

2011-04-08T17:07:00.001+08:00

I see you fall,

Head first into guilty streams too strong,

Where your shame and your actions,

Covered that once unblemished sky,

I've heard your tears,

The long echoes of distraught,

Where you are chained,

Beneath the prisons of darkness beyond,

But I will bring a light to you,

Be it a little small,

I will give hope,

Until there is none at all,

These chains that lay strewn across your heart,

I will break them piece by piece,

Where the wounds show their faces,

I will cover with peace,

So lay down no more young friend,

Break free from the mirror,

Life was never meant to be walked alone,

When one has hands for many to hold.

Its funny

2011-04-04T20:14:00.001+08:00

Its funny how important,

How meaningful,

How sometimes sweet memories,

let themselves be forgotten,

Not by the grace of time,

But by the hands of men,

Where once there was a whole,

followed by an empty chasm,

That train we all took hand in theirs,

Slowly our grip was lost,

Slipping and sinking,

Into a space alone and distant,

We were there for your troubles.

We were there for your tears.

We were there for your voices.

We were there for you.

Where was the man,

Hero was it his name?

Well let your hero come,

and you'll see all the lies he's done.

Blood, Sweat and Tears

2011-04-04T20:12:00.000+08:00

These cries of pain,

They echo in the plains,

These tears in the rain,

They fall through the darkest of flames,

What pushes these souls forward?

What gives them strength?

Who knows the pain that lingers,

Deep within their fragile fingers,

The cold etches a drought,

Their eyes shut tight from tears throughout,

And a massacre of words their kings provide,

But no hope and peace and a place to hide,

They cover their ears from screams of sight,

There wander away their dreams are blight,

These demons of red skies they forever fight,

In hours so deep there is no night,

What moves these men and women forward?

What gives them fire inside withdrawn eyes?

Is it not a flickering of perpetual light?

Where only one can find a single delight?

No, it is but the iron in their bones,

It is the fire in their blood,

It is the howling in their spirit,

It is their very own Blood, Sweat and Tears.

architecture

2011-03-14T15:59:00.002+08:00

I'm only in my Foundation year second semester in Taylor's University but I've learnt quite a number of things during the duration of my course. I've learnt that sketching is a vital and crucial skill needed by architects and that sleep is often a forgotten practice. Assignments keep piling up week after week and the creative juices our minds are trying to secrete are slowly dwindling with every assignment given.

Do I enjoy it?

To a certain extent yes. The work keeps me busy, gives my life a sense of purpose and helps me get through my days. But there are those hard days where I'm left baffled at why I even enrolled in this course. In University, you expect the childish things like not finishing your homework and giving an endless list of excuses to vanish. But it doesn't. Its still there, even in the most prestigious of Universities.

The group that you associate yourself most with can have a heavy impact on the outcome of your studies. Whether you've chosen your own group members or not (if not, then prepare for a hell of lot of work), these very people you're working with will be your teammates for that semester.

I can't say I'm too happy with my members but who am I to complain? The entire school of architecture in reality, is a dark place. I see my fellow compatriots give me smiles but I don't see the sincerity of it. I guess that is why I prefer to be alone most of the time with my music or my sketchbook. I just can't handle listening to bullshit. But I try to make things go smoothly.

One goal: The crush the stereotypical architect image.

Coping

2011-03-12T17:20:00.002+08:00

Its been another two months since my last actual blog post so I guess an update is always welcomed. The new subjects this semester for FNBE have been slightly easier than the last so far and I find myself with a little more free time than before. Maybe its just me or maybe I haven't gone through the semester long enough to feel the true tortures of the architectural lifestyle but I believe things are turning out for the better.

I've gotten used to living in this new place of mine. Every morning I wake up to either my alarm or to the incessant stomping of my housemates feet on the wooden stairs. Then I freshen up, grab my bags, put on some shoes and head to college. A 15 minute walk ensues. At the start of my new semester, having to walk 12-20 minutes to University was a total pain, I couldn't stand wasting so much time just walking and I hated to sweat so much before the day even started.

But now, I find that there are many simple yet peaceful moments in walking and not to mention the health benefits as well. There are hard days and there are normal days. During the hard days, walking allows my mind to wander for a bit, to not think so critically as I usually do by mashing up thoughts up thoughts until everything becomes a complete mess of words. It gives me a small semblance of peace. And within my various walking sessions, I see the world a little bit differently each time.

I see trees swaying in the wind, their leaves slowly flowing back and forth as if dancing to a tune. I notice the kids at the futsal and basketball courts, their cries and shouts a testament to the youth they carry. I notice the animals, and I see how fragile and lonely they are. In a city, strays lead a hard life. No one even gives a care about these creatures and they are left to fend for themselves in the cold and dirt.

As I finish this somewhat nostalgic post of mine, I just wish to say that life isn't all that you would hoped in to be. When we were kids, we would dream the world as a wonderful place that we could grow into. The world is a wonderful place. But its the people. Its the people that destroy that joy and bring forth problems upon problems. Don't believe what others try to force into you. That is pure bullshit. Believe in yourself, because when everything falls apart, there will be no one else to save you. Except, you.

Reality

2011-03-12T17:16:00.000+08:00

In the dreams of longings and truths,

I staggered through the blank stares of the streets,

I came upon such a building its walls bare,

And entered through the cracks with doors there,

And your silhouette broke through the shadows,

Lingering in the pale modern light,

My mouth curls into a smile,

For seeing you oh joy runs a mile,

You became clearer with each step,

I slowly reach out for your hand,

But I halt.

I halt.

I saw not one but two figures dancing in the light,

I saw your eyes,

But they were no longer mine,

I saw your lips forgotten lost in time,

Who is that man I said through a forceful grin,

Someone I've found who gave me hope you smiled,

Ah wonderful wonderful I said aloud,

One last smile and both disappeared into crowds,

I don't understand.

2011-01-15T02:02:00.001+08:00

You lied to me. To everyone. To yourself.

Holidays so far

2011-01-11T13:02:00.003+08:00

I didn't manage to post up some of the pictures I took throughout this holiday of mine so I'm taking the time to do it now. So far, I haven't been much of a productive person lately unless you count computer games and very late night outings with friends productive. But I've been enjoying these days so far, with all the joy, laughter and stupidity that can only be brought upon with the right group of people.

So its 2011. I should be writing up a list of resolutions for myself now right? I vow to lose weight I promise to study more this year. I will become NTV7's SUPERSTAR! Something like that, no? But the problem is, I've done all those resolutions last year and well, look where it brought me now haha. But I still have hope. I still have hope. *grabs on to my spare tire of a belly and begins chanting*

Oh and the youth had a bus hoping welcoming party and a birthday bash (this sounds strangely familiar, didn't we do this last year?) last Saturday. It was. Hectic but kind of fun in a sense although I wasn't a proper participant. You can probably call me the worst supervisor of the bunch since my group turned out to be a mess of sorts.

But this is how it turned out to be:

We squeezed 7, I say SEVEN, people into my measly sized Honda City and then headed off to the different photo challenge locations. I had the constant fear of my car's tires and suspension giving out due to the extra weight of 7, wait no make that 6 and half people's, weight. Miraculously, we managed to get to all the photo challenge locations without the car crumbling beneath the crushing pressure. But there was a few "oh-snap" moments where other so called professional drivers would suddenly burst out onto the road out of nowhere and could've caused many a dents in many cars. In the end it turned out good.

Then came the complicated part of dropping of the younger youths at the bus station so that they could finally get on with their bus hopping picture taking uh thing. I remembered my group heading on to the bus K8 and not long later, they were off. Man, it was another story in itself when trying to keep up with the bus.

Remember scenes from James Bond or The Bourne Ultimatum? Yeah, that was practically what I had imagined myself to be, a secret agent chasing a bus/truck/vehicle that either transported stolen goods/a ruthless criminal that needed to be taken out/ or food. Oh and the background music in the car made it even more dramatic than one would normally think.

So fast forwarding this exciting day, we all finally headed back to Church with the 1000 or so pictures we had and gave them to Sarah for judging. I don't have ANY of the photos my group took since I was doing most of the driving so if you wish to see them, well, I think Facebook would do the job quite well. But I did manage to snap a few shots of my own while I was waiting (painstakingly) at Taman Sahabat.

Yeah. Just the two above pictures.

So I guess that is pretty much what happened during the Bus Hop. Now that I think of it, I'll be heading back to KL this Saturday. :( Its kinda sad since I've finally gotten so used to the act of wasting away myself by doing practically nothing for the past month but you've got to start somewhere again in the year. Anyways, here are a few more pictures to captivate your eyes (yeah right, praising myself once again). I'm heading out. Peace.

Brooke Fraser

2011-01-05T23:02:00.001+08:00

Currently in a Brooke Fraser fever mode. Love her voice.

Something

2010-12-21T03:09:00.002+08:00

I saw you again today.

Something came back to life inside.

Hurt.

But I wish you all the best.

Its as you said: "You don't have to talk to me."

2010-12-21T02:56:00.003+08:00

Tommy Emmanuel Live in Kuala Lumpur

2010-12-07T19:49:00.005+08:00

So I attended Tommy's concert in KL last Friday.

I was excited.

I was fearfully hyped up.

Everything in the world looked magnificent on that day.
Must be Tommy's doing.

I had my ticket ready.

Maton guitars. Can you believe they cost around RM 17999 each?
But man, do they sound sweet.

Ampang Park.

Tommy's two guitars for the night. It was by now that I was hyperventilating.
*fangirl scream*

And then the stage lights up and a booming crowd welcomes the one and only.
Tommy Emmanuel.

I am having the omg face on throughout the entire show. Tommy brought brilliant music through those wonderful speakers and he entertained the fully filled auditorium with his passion and ingenuity for music.

I heard a few new tunes as well. I had my heartstrings stretched during those slower and yet hauntingly beautiful songs. One song that truly touched the core was The Trails. You can only hear it to believe it, so get the album or get a ticket for the next Tommy Emmanuel concert.

The Fingerstyle mastery of TE is unexplainable. It is brilliant yet humble in nature. Just by watching this man play has taught me so many lessons in a matter of hours. The strumming, the rhythm, everything.

And yes the concert was kick-ass. My hands are still trembling a little as I try to recall the magical moments of being seated only a few metres away from Tommy.

And I bought a CD. yeah.

Life is going well. Thank You.

Its been too long

2010-12-03T02:35:00.005+08:00

It has been too long since my last blog post and I know, I've been a terrible blog keeper. University life keeps you constantly busy with the never ending assignments (my gosh its only First year sem 1 and I'm already half dead) until blogging becomes a forgotten habit from eons ago.

But I have returned.

And I have brought pictures with me to help me out.

So what have I learned throughout these 6 months being stranded in KL? The list would be endless but I guess the most important aspects of my learning are:

1. How to wash my clothes without spending ridiculous amounts of money on laundry alone.
2. The proper methods of coming late for class and yet still be admitted attendance. (This is a must learn skill for every University student, it could either make or break your petty little existence)
3. The proper care of a Martin Acoustic guitar. A solid spruce top guitar is hard to take care of. You'd think that buy paying more for a guitar, you wouldn't have to worry about its well being eh? Well think again. The more expensive the guitar, the higher the level of care needed.
4. I've learnt to let go of things that hurt. I'm beginning to see light through my windows. Darkness is leaving, slowly but surely. And I remember how it felt to smile.
5. Working together as a band. Our first performance was somewhat lukewarm due to various conditions but yeah, we're evolving. Not sure whats going on now though.

I'll probably TRY to update this blog more with interesting posts but I make no promises. Well, off to bed. Hope you all enjoy the pictures.

I love this pic.

2010-09-26T19:18:00.002+08:00

I pray that you will find someone better than this idiot here who manage to throw everything down the drain. Someone who will treat you with respect. Shower you with love. And take care of you, with all honesty.

I pray that you will be safe, always.

I pray that you will find comfort.

I pray that you will find a home.

Be free.

2010-09-23T10:37:00.000+08:00

Sky isn't the limit.

So where do we go from here?

2010-09-18T12:52:00.002+08:00

Yeah. I'm back. I'm amazed how I even managed to survive this entire week in KL without the usual gang of friends I had back in Kuching. I guess Starcraft 2 really does help in keeping the mind busy and going without having to be stuck in a rut for too long. But it doesn't help when you're supposed to be finishing a particular assignment on a particular time.

I'm currently typing this in the cafeteria of Taylor's Lakeside Campus since my hostel has no internet YET. But, casting all negativity aside, we'll be getting internet soon in our hostels whooo. I just don't know when but I know it should be soon. It was today that I woke up to heavy and loud sounds of drilling echoing loudly in the living room area. I opened the door and took a peek and I saw two drill men (is that what you call them? I'm not sure, I just woke up) installing a modem by attaching it to the wall.

So heck yeah, internet. Say goodbye to your social life hahaha.

And you. Well, I'm not sure if you even read my blog but I just want to say. That I. I miss you. Yeah, my small moment of weakness, but I'm not sure how to cope with this. We were seriously better of this way? Or are we just scared of the bigger pictures? I received a lot of advice from friends but I just don't know where to go from here.

Its like running in circle. Always stuck somewhere better never really there. An endless cycle. But I hope. Everything is alright with you.

More assignments awaits.

September 15th

2010-09-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

And here we let go. Again. No more. No more.

Its a struggle

2010-09-01T15:32:00.002+08:00

Yes its a struggle. Everyone is in their own race. And in that race they will have other runners, not running along with them, but trying to bring them. The real test of courage comes next. Keeping one's self running despite the numerous obstacles being set each day.

I know that its almost impossible to move through that thick blizzard and how hard it is to not fall down and stay there forever. I need to move. I know you're sometimes like a wall. But I won't break you down. I'll just climb over. And I might leave you. That depends.

More Photos

2010-08-25T15:37:00.003+08:00

Jared Anderson

2010-08-25T15:20:00.004+08:00

Ever come across this particular Christian singer/songwriter? No? Well, you probably might recognise him through his works in Desperation Band, New Life Worship and through his solo works as well. Still not ringing a bell? I'm talking about Jared Anderson.

I've recently been checking out his music after having a look at a few of his videos on YouTube.

There is a certain quality to his songs (well to me) that makes his music have this fresh kind of brokenness in them. Its not too complex, neither is it stupendously simple. Its somewhat of a right balance and I am enjoying every bit of his music. This guy is seriously gifted.

He also has something that really bodes well when trying to bring a congregation of people into that mysterious worshipful atmosphere. And he can really sing too.

So check him out if you have the time, trust me, he's good.

Sleep

2010-08-25T15:13:00.002+08:00

I am sleep deprived. Yes. Finally, the after effects of the assignments (and late night facebooking) has finally caught up. Well no worries though, I've managed to cope so far with how things are progressing and the assignments aren't too much of a hassle.

I just feel a little frustrated because of the schedule. Sigh. You look forward to a certain event where by you can have some sense of enjoyment and suddenly you turn back to your time table and then you see that you have a class in that particular period. Brings your somewhat hopeful that to an abrupt halt doesn't it?

I've been waiting to join some events and somehow re initiate my socializing capabilities but my schedule doesn't allow that. Its dead boring. And classes on Wednesdays are brutally long. I don't know how we've survived up until now but we've done it. You can call it one of the many miracles of the human spirit. But I'm still feeling a little empty inside.

I'm hoping for a ray of light at the end of this tunnel.

Photography moments

2010-08-21T14:36:00.003+08:00

Life in Taylors

2010-08-14T23:05:00.002+08:00

Well, there has been lots of sketching lately in my life and so far, things are going well. That is until the big realisation of the huge workload of assignments starts to kick in. As you can see from the pictures above, this is what we FNBE students have been doing for the past 3 weeks in Taylors.

Well technically not all of what we do comprises of just sketching but this is showing you guys maybe about 10% percent of our weekly schedules. There is the usual presence of Malaysian Studies in our timetables, and so far, I have no problems with this class. Thats because I don't have to take Bahasa Malaysia as another extra subject so whooooo freedom.

We FNBE students are still stuck with moral however. Thats a shame though but I must say that the moral education classes in Taylors are somewhat bearable compared to the moral classes of form 4 and form 5. While form 4 and form 5 moral offers tons of time to doze off and practice your daydreaming capabilities, moral classes in Taylors will not allow such a thing. Kalau tertidur, confirm kena tembak cikgu. So yeah.

What else do we have? Oh right, English. English is English. Enough said. Then there is the Introduction to the Construction Industry class. Oh that is somewhat interesting, if only I could properly appreciate how things in a construction industry work. I know, I'll have to appreciate it sooner of later if I'm to work as an architect in this field.

Oh and Creative Thinking class! Whoo favourite favourite. Hannah Jonas, you jangan cakap yang bukan bukan ah about me concerning this class. But yeah I like this class. Seems far more interesting than the rest because we actually get to use our brains for the very first time, in YEARS. Assignment wise, its a little more demanding but hey, if its challenging, then its work doing.

So, assignments, here we come.

Edge of Desire John Mayer cover

2010-07-20T11:03:00.001+08:00

Alright

2010-07-08T20:09:00.004+08:00

Okay, I know, I have neglected this blog of mine for far too long. But I've been somewhat busy these pass few weeks doing my thing, enjoying myself, spending time with friends and making music that I just forgot about everything associated with blogging. I guess Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr really did have an impact on the blogging scene. But I came back nonetheless and I have many stories.

If only I could pick one haha.

Ben has already set foot on foreign (Okay, maybe not so foreign) soil in Kuala Lumpur and I'll be joining him soon in a few weeks. Man, it just amazes me how everyone I know is somehow going in different directions to pursue their respective careers in life. Its a little sad too since all those crazy and wonderful moments in school that we shared have now become a memory. But hey, life has many roads and hopefully we'll meet sometime again in the future.

I'd like to share some pictures with all of you as well.

Been working with my camera a lot lately and I'm learning more and more about photography. Haven't really found a specific genre to my liking yet though. But I'm getting there.

And we're having another ISCF concert tomorrow in school. I know, by now you would going, "WHAT? A Concert? In School? But I thought you finished Form 5?" but yeah, its pretty complicated if I should say so myself. I came in to help out with the worship team just to help things run a little smoother and I'm actually thankful for that.

Last year when we wanted to hold a concert, we were declined rather abruptly so we didn't have a chance to have a worship concert in our final year as students. Man, many broke spirits and hearts in the team after that incident. But now, I guess I've been given another chance.

Lets bring the house down tomorrow guys. Peace.

Till the next post.

Go Balder

2010-05-20T20:07:00.004+08:00

My Heart is light

2010-05-09T18:36:00.002+08:00

Of Cakes and Birthdays

2010-05-08T13:25:00.004+08:00

Spread

2010-05-06T23:48:00.003+08:00

Sophia Ngiaw will be leaving for KL tomorrow. Looks like I'll be missing a very great buat bodoh buddy for a long time. Those days of prowling around The Spring, weaving through numerous traffic jams, going for long rides to Stapok Heights and laughter will have to be put on hold for now. Such a sad sad song this has become.

Well all I can do now is to just wish you all the best and may you spread the Sarawakian flavour to the stale and already dusty cultures of The West Side. Bring down Kuala Lumpur eh Soph?

WE WILL MEET UP AGAIN AND THEN BERBUAT BODOH HABIS HABIS.

Right Hannah?

A few shots of Life

2010-04-28T00:50:00.002+08:00

I love my DSLR.

The World isn't Safe

2010-04-25T13:11:00.003+08:00

Just a thought that came across my mind this morning as I set off to church with my family. I was busy munching on a piece of bread when I noticed my mum locking the doors. With the steady jangle of keys, the house became a sudden fortress with locks all over as that of a prison. Only the main entrance to the house was left untouched as we busied our early morning with breakfast.

Soon after we headed out, the entrance was locked and the house became a no-entry zone. Of course, its a daily routine we stick to: Going out, lock doors, no worries. But that just proves that the world now is in a mess. Every now and then we have to keep a look out for the numerous pick pockets prowling the shadows whenever we're walking in a crowded area especially areas like Pasar Malam. If you let your guard down for even a second, you might find yourself with an empty pocket and a shitload of problems.

Then there are the house break ins. Owners of a home coming back from a hard day's work or from a long vacation hoping to enjoy the sweet comforts of their respective homes but only to find it broken into and with most of the valuables missing. A disaster of sorts. So to prevent this, we lock up our houses to near impenetrability with locks and CCTV cameras and whatever gadgets you might find worthy as a security device.

I still remember that unfortunate day where someone broke into my Honda Car. My parents were using it at the time, and they headed out to Everise just to buy groceries. It was a short 20 minutes, but the villains managed to get away with my father's laptop and documents and my mum's documents as well. The car was locked. But there were stuff inside. So seeing that a potential steal was in sight, criminals will act. Break in, take items, run and never get caught. Thats the initial idea of it I guess.

When will we be able to breathe without the fear of being robbed?

I have yet to see that day come, but I'm hoping.

You wake up, You Workout

2010-04-23T11:39:00.002+08:00

Today was Friday and I'm not working. I get out of bed after one heck of a good night's rest and head down to chow down on some leftover food just to get that slowed down metabolism up and running once more. Then since I was doing anything much, apart from numbing my brain from the TV waves, I might as well head back upstairs into my room/gym/gaming centre to workout.

I walk up and grab the pair of 10 kg dumbbells that have been my companions for so long in my journey for losing that extra spare tire in my gut and start off. Loud music pounding through my computer speakers, grunts and occasional shouts, and the sound of dumbbells clanging as they hit the floor became a sonic symphony of one. Oh and lots of sweat.

So here am I done with my workout. My shoulders hurt. My triceps feel as if they were split in two and my biceps have been numbed to pain. But I feel good. Thats one accomplishment for today and now I don't have to worry about not working out for the day.

Maybe I should start my day like this more often eh?

Until I have to get back to work again that is haha.

Alter Bridge - Watch Over You

2010-04-21T10:25:00.001+08:00

So now.

2010-04-21T00:38:00.002+08:00

I've been struggling a little with life these past few days. I know, my struggles seem inferior to those whom have to endure real hardships in their everyday lives, but I feel the need to express myself for the time being.

I'm already tired of repeating mistakes that should've been solved a long time back but apparently, things don't just seem to work as well as it should. Sometimes I ask myself if what I'm doing right now is right and am I really doing this because I want to do it, or is it because I feel obligated to flaunt around worthless words and sounds just for the sake of being known by a mass of strangers?

I've taken a two week break from work. I've been working for 5 weeks now and I've learnt loads of stuff about this intriguing world of Architecture and buildings. I initially opted to take something of less difficulty as a career choice. After learning the true nature of the process required to become a full fledged architect in Malaysia, I thought that no way was I going to spend 7 years of my life plorring over books upon books upon books.

So I was at a dilemma. To take Architecture? Or to abandon it and become the rock star I always hoped to be (which is still a fat chance in reality). I was so...intent on just forgetting about architecture so that I could pursue a course that would inexpensive and closer to home but what good will it do for my entire character building persona? I'd still be the same Reening, never changing, never evolving except in the growing older part and never moving forward. But the prospects of moving out to a foreign world was daunting...

And then someone told me,"You can do better than this. You can."

And that made all the difference. Things started to look a little bit clearer on my side of destiny (although I might have a wrong view of it) and I decided. I don't know where all these roads will take me because you never know until you've travelled them with a heart of yearning and a will of steel. So I guess I'll take the chance for once.

How soon?

I'm still finding the answer to that myself.

Gospel Hour April 2010, Water Front

2010-04-18T22:44:00.005+08:00

Alpha Concert Worship Celebration

2010-04-18T21:14:00.004+08:00

Skillet - Will you be there?

2010-04-11T22:06:00.001+08:00

First one to End

2010-04-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

My note is left untouched,
Your fingers a blur to watch,
At this faraway distance from shore,
I just can't see you anymore,

I write a few lines in red,
Thinking all this while the times we had,
And here I'm left in this broken bed,
Made for two with a missing thread,

So the red roses turned grey,
And sun light fell into the ocean's droplets stray,
In the shatter of wine and day,
Nothing else ever will stay,

I curl up in the forgotten shell of time,
Telling lies of self and righteous fine,
My empty hand is cold,
My warmth gone like gold.

Sun Light

2010-04-08T21:55:00.001+08:00

While I was away

2010-03-27T10:23:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since my last entry and my ever failing piece of wireless internet is to blame. Came back from work one evening hoping to somehow download a few new songs when all of a sudden I couldn't even connect to internet. Apparently, it is still giving me some minor problems by dying out at the worst of moments. So no more huge bundles of picture uploads for the time being I guess. If there is one thing out there that is worthy of making people "PISSED OFF MAX", its when your internet is working the way it should.

Anyways, I've been working for about 2 weeks already at DNA and so far its been cool. I'm not such a big fan of sitting at the computer and messing around with AutoCAD and SketchUp all day since it cramps up my shoulders but I can cope with it. Was busy designing some sort of plan for a Sibu area for most of the second week and I only managed to FINALLY complete the project yesterday. Happy face.

Then after having submitted my little piece of work, boss handed me my pay. Wow, RM 200 two weeks early! Things are starting to look up now haha. So two more weeks of work and I get the money officially. Aite, I'll upload some photos later on, heading off to play Mass Effect 2. Peace

So thats how it works.

2010-03-16T14:37:00.003+08:00

The Intern

2010-03-15T18:51:00.002+08:00

So, it was my first day working as an intern at the DNA office in Iris Garden Square. Its is nice place if I might say so and its right in front of Hannah's house. Haha, like that boleh pergi rumah dia lepak selalu during lunch break hoho. Anyways, yeah, its been an interesting day.

Since it was my very first time ever working in an office, I was pretty much lost throughout the whole day like walking into a deep crowd of people, only to find yourself in another world once you step out of the torrent of bodies. Thank goodness I didn't mess up so bad (I didn't know how to operate a scanner but I managed to weasel my way out of an explanation).

I also have cool co workers working alongside, and they seem to be at another level above myself. You can probably count me as the lowest of the low in the architectural hierarchy. I thank you all for showing me the how tos about internship today, if it wasn't for you guys, I'd be stuck at the desk doing literally nothing at all.

All in all, it was a good day. Tiring, but enjoyable. And man, the more I get to know about Architecture, the more insane it becomes. Interior drawings, degrees, floor plans...the list goes on. Looks like my journey of life is slowly edging its wait to beneficial madness. And tomorrow will be another day of work.

After work, headed out to Zoso music for a quick visit. My guitar strap broke a few weeks back and I have yet to replace it until to day so I decided to finally buy a new strap. As you can see from the picture, the strap is of unique origin.

I like it. And can't wait for CTC practice tomorrow.

Welcome to Life.

SPM Results Day 2010

2010-03-11T13:22:00.004+08:00

Thank you Lord.

Light Experimentation

2010-03-08T16:17:00.001+08:00

Just your humble photographer trying out new tricks. Hope you like.

My mistake

2010-03-08T11:27:00.003+08:00

I've got myself stuck in a relationship rut recently and only now do I realise my mistake in all this commotion. I won't go into details as much but I think you'll get the bigger picture sooner or later. Besides, who hasn't ever had a problem come up within their relationship with someone? That would be like a fairy tail come true where the prince and princess lived happily ever after and the end. Real life however, has many other dramatic (if not unfortunate twists).

I guess I was just too impatient with this whole relationship thing. I didn't really think much about it, I just went on with it until everything just fell apart. And for that, I am truly sorry. I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong until I read "Boy meets Girl" written by Joshua Harris, the guy who wrote "I kissed dating goodbye" while I was at church yesterday. You could say it was a sign from God as well to help guide me back into the right direction. Now I understand why you suddenly changed. And now I have to make that decision as well.

There's no use getting into a relationship now when both sides aren't ready for a long term commitment. The casual flings and one-night stands just don't work out that well as portrayed in real life news and in the movie scenes. That kind of setting will just get more and more people into tougher situations and harder heartbreaks. So I'll step down from all this, until I'm ready because right now, neither of us, and I have a feeling that most people in the world aren't ready to commit for a long term relationship (even though they claim they would move mountains and seas to be with their significant other).

So I'm sorry if I did anything which would've jeopardized...stuff. I just hope things will turn out for the better in time. Till then, peace out.

I dreamt again

2010-03-08T11:16:00.002+08:00

Last night I dreamt that I could skate once more. Hitting the streets with my old skate buddies, we were tearing up ledges, curbs, ramps, virtually anything we could find and skate on to express that deep passion we all once had, which was to just skate and to have fun. It was a great dream this one and I must've tossed and turned in bed like a fish out of water. My sudden 180 degree turn from my initial sleeping position explains all that.

And when I woke up, I had this great feeling of being free and able to do anything I wanted. I just skated all over the city, doing all sorts of tricks (heelflips, kickflips, you name it) and I didn't want it to end so fast. But as my feet touched the wooden floor of my bedroom, reality came rushing back in. I sigh.

I can't skate. Not anymore. With this already injured ankle (which I think hasn't properly retained its full potential since the incident a few years back), I can't ever get back on a skateboard again. So one life dream as a pro skateboarder has been discarded. And besides, I sold my board to a good friend last week, including trucks and wheels for RM 100 so right now, I have nothing else to skate with. Even my skate shoes are torn apart as if a lion chewed right through it.

So all I have now is to just live the fantasy in Skate 2 (and hopefully Skate 3) on the Xbox 360, where you can fall and break as many bones as you'd like in the game but still remaining unscathed at all in reality. This is gonna be a great week.

2010-03-05T15:56:00.004+08:00

"Yeah, I miss ISCF. =("

The Reign of Kindo

2010-03-05T10:12:00.002+08:00

If you haven't heard of these guys, check them out NOW.

One word to describe their music:

REFRESHING

Morning

2010-03-05T10:03:00.002+08:00

I just got the news that SPM results are coming out on the 11th of March, which is next Thursday. Sigh. As the saying goes, do or die or you won't fly (eh, actually that saying I made up lah haha). So everyone born in the beloved year of 1992, get yourselves ready for the revelation of truth. I still don't feel quite ready to hear from myself my own results, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Anyways, we had our CTC meeting yesterday. It was cool, sat around burping a list of songs as suggestions to be used in the actual concert. Won't give too much details as of now but I'd say CTC is well on its way to completion. T-shirts and stuff...saya tidak berapa tahu jadi tiada comment.

I feel like going to the gym suddenly haha.

Wait, Xbox first, whooo

Church Camp 2010 (Pictures)

2010-03-03T18:01:00.004+08:00

The pictures are not in order. More of them of facebook. Peace.

Back

2010-03-03T17:38:00.002+08:00

haha, once again, I have left this blog unattended for days and days and I honestly apologise for my lack of enthusiasm in keeping the posts alive and coming. So since I'm already here on blogger, might as well just write something up to pass the time. You know you can go insane if you stay at home all day long doing nothing? I am truly grateful for my guitar, which keeps the music in me flowing (well, not that well, but its flowing haha) and for my dumbbells which keep the pump of iron and muscle well and strong.

A few days back (Monday), I headed over to MKM in the early morning to take my Driving Test. Knees were trembling and I couldn't bring myself to eat breakfast properly, always felt the sudden need to throw up whenever I swallowed a recently chewed ball of Kolo Mee. So there I was, sitting silently among the many other err...whats the word...candidates who were also awaiting their turn.

It was a long way and I couldn't bring myself to sit down quietly like the others who seemed cool and collected. I walked around, I read and reread the routes over and over again just to make sure I memorised them properly. Come 10 am, after two long hours of waiting, it was finally time. So we walked out of the sheltered domain of the MKM office and onto the testing track.

The Hill test was up first and I, unfortunately, was the second person on the list. So I got into the car, started the engine, forgot that I was still in first gear and the car jerked forward like a cougar pouncing for its prey. Malu. I got an earful from the car caretaker after that slight mishap.

Then I drove the car slowly into position, accelerated a little and just as I was about to get over the hill, I stepped on the brakes. Okay, step 1 done. Turned to the handbrake and pull it up. Let go of the brake. Car did not move backwards. Step 2 done. So I turned a looked at the JPJ officer and raised my hand. Accelerated. Removed the clutch slowly. Lowered the handbrake. The sound of the engine roaring to life as the car lurched forward.

Then the engine died. =D

And I found myself stuck on the very top of the hill. Alright, now I started panicking. My leg was shaking like mobile phone on call. Started the engine again. Car lurched forward once more before giving out. So I was still stuck but was only a few centimeters away from passing the hill. One more time and phew, the car didn't die! GYAHAHA.

So yeah, I passed the friggin bukit test.

After that, it was pretty much a smooth ride. Parking of mine went well and I got a 17/20 while driving on the road so right now, I am a certified driver of Kuching. Who is, undoubtedly still on probation for the first few weeks of driving. And yes Sophia Ngiaw, I will take you on a drive one of these days, just not too soon. I still have problems parking a car without having it look like a crash scene site.

Will update on the Church Camp soon. Peace out for now.

Sunday Afternoon Practice

2010-02-22T18:44:00.002+08:00

It was a good practice.

2010 Kuala Lumpur Trip

2010-02-20T11:02:00.003+08:00

As you all might've known through my Facebook profile, my dad recently bought a new DLSR camera, the Canon EOS 1000D model, and I had the pleasure of taking it on a joy ride across KL by snapping tons and tons of photos.

Here are some of the few shots (which I think are worthwhile for viewing)
that I managed to grab:

SLRs are awesome. =D

Lisztomania

2010-02-08T20:43:00.000+08:00

Currently gila about this song.

Oh and I'm practically enjoying COD : Modern Warfare 2. Epic game.

=D

Palau

2010-02-07T16:39:00.001+08:00

Hahaha too much games.

Rest mode.

House Cleaning (Pictures)

2010-02-06T13:09:00.005+08:00

More pictures from Uncle Kenny's camera. The pictures shown here were taken with my Sony Camera Phone.

John Mayer - Covered in Rain

2010-02-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

Errr...

2010-02-04T09:12:00.001+08:00

Meet Sophia Ngiaw. Beware.

Sleepover.

2010-02-04T09:07:00.001+08:00

Orang sakit tidur.

Taken with my Sony k800i phone.

Sudden,

2010-02-03T19:17:00.002+08:00

I'm suddenly attacked by a feeling of emptiness inside me where the waves keep on crashing back and forth into each other as I'm pulled deeper and deeper into the abyss. Whoa, maybe not that bad of an empty feeling but I still feel somewhat lost and lonely.

I just woke up. I dreamt of you again. Funny thing is, I dreamt of myself dreaming about you. Hahaha.

I am going insane.

What is it?

2010-02-03T13:56:00.003+08:00

I really am trying my best here. I'm not sure whats up or whats going on with you but my patience does have its limits too. I can't help it, I'm only human and I myself am prone to the many weaknesses of the human mind. I'm frustrated as well. I've been trying to help you out but somehow, it felts like I'm being locked outside most of the time, sheltered from the many things that have been troubling you.

And then theres the part where all of a sudden storm hits and everything is turned Topsy Turvey. I'm listening here. But listening isn't easy when you're being bombarded with missiles even when you didn't do anything wrong of the sort in the first place. And I get frustrated, I admit and I'm sorry for that. Sigh. I don't know whats going to happen in the later days of this year but I am still, notice the word STILL, hoping for the best.

You see, you're not the only one with problems here. I'm having my fair shares of problems here at home as well and I need some time to solve them. Hearing you blast out on me to vent out your anger doesn't help you or myself solve anything at all. For all I know, it just makes the entire matter of the conversation worst and it brings me closer and closer to going berserk. And I don't like going berserk.

I only wished that somehow things would present themselves clearer before hand so that all this commotion and misunderstanding could somehow be avoided for the better. Hurtful words would've been somehow kept shut inside their lockers and chests and well. I'm still a little pissed right now and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get MY anger level down let alone others.

Maybe I'll just sleep it off. Meh.

Confused.

2010-02-03T13:54:00.000+08:00

I step in only to hear,
Faint cries and silent whispers,
There is someone so very near,
A voice tearing like broken chapters,

I spin in the dark unable to see,
Reaching out with hands cold and despaired,
I touch a figure its skin ever so ghostly,
I marvel at the feat which I dared,

A torrent of flames engulfed my being,
Their words and shrieks brimming with menace,
I struggle to free myself of the burning,
So I could take away this darkness,

Then the flames disappeared into smoke,
Stood there her face I've yet to see,
She turns her back with hearts she broke,
And leaves me be again to flee.

FINALLY

2010-02-03T00:33:00.002+08:00

IPPO FINALLY HIT WOLI. WHOPAAHAHHAHAHAHAH

Read it here.

Where'd everyone go?

2010-02-02T23:47:00.002+08:00

I was at the cyber alone today. Why? Somehow, the plan for having everyone shooting zombies at point blank range in Left 4 Dead 2 backfired and the only sole survivor (yerrr exaggerating lah) amongst my group of rag tag friends was me, myself, I. Guess that it wasn't such a good idea to go out and blast some zombie brains on a Tuesday night and with me being unable to drive a vehicle yet, things really did turn out for the worst.

So yeah, I shot zombies alone and it was somewhat...interesting. You just have to get used to not shouting, kicking and screaming all the way through with your other buddies while you get pummeled wave after wave of zombie scum. Just shooting in silence as you watch your computer controlled buddies stroll across the screen grabbing health packs and among here and there.

Sigh. Left 4 Dead 2 is a great game but it lacks the full adrenaline pumped roller coaster ride of a thriller without the presence of crazy friends shouting for help whenever a special infected grabs them from out of nowhere. Yes you can go through the entire campaign in Singeplayer mode but whats the fun in that? Computer controlled teammates? They're nothing more than well, rubbish. There is no tactical strategies (our main strategy is : RUN SHOOT ROAR) to give out, no proper health and ammunition management and definitely not enough communication. So yeah, without proper human buddies, L4D is...a missed experience.

So I'm hoping that next time we can somehow get the guys together PROPERLY and ON TIME so that we can enjoy Left 4 Dead in all its gory/bloody splendour. Besides, I need a ride back from one of you guys anyways since my parents can't always pick me up. Patience from them has its limits too you know?

So yeah, tonight was messed up haha.

I should be putting the FML line right now but somehow, I feel strangely satisfied.

Weird huh?

These Days

2010-02-02T14:24:00.002+08:00

I know I haven't been updating much as of late. Blame my inescapable feelings of laziness for that particular reason. So I just got back from my driving lesson with instructor Fransco from MKM. I'm starting to like manual cars more than the so-called wonderful auto cars because you get to mess around with the gears like in the videogame and basically, manual cars just have more adrenaline pumping power. Autos don't have that special feature.

Drove around a few areas, near the airport especially and around the cursed roundabout. Driving in a roundabout is heart stopping okay. You put your car into the wrong gear and boom, the engine dies out. Thank God for driving instructors phew. If all goes well (which I am really hoping for) I should be able to drive around the streets of Kuching by February 22nd. Yeah, it would've been way earlier but Chinese New Year is coming up and I'll be heading back to West Malaysia to meet up with my Chinese Side relatives.

Will be in the West Side of Malaysia for 5 days with the hopeful prospects of building stronger bonds amongst family members as we continue to...(blablabla the real thing to note is the money we'll get from all the ang paus we'll receive soon after hehe). So yeah, it'll be a blast. Now I'm stuck at home with nothing to do since my xbox is still a little...under the weather and YouTube is being a jerk by having super slow load times.

I'll write about the Change Your World concert which was a held a few days back later on when I find the time and motivation to keep my writing capabilities in check. Peace out.

Calm

2010-01-29T09:37:00.001+08:00

Okay. I am tired of being mad. So chill. WHooo so yeah, won't be getting my Xbox 360's lens fixed anytime soon (hopefully on Monday next week though). Delays delays delays and mistakes. Patutlah Malaysia tidak pernah maju. Anyways, this week has been pretty interesting if not stressful haha.

Been going out a lot with a friends for Cyber (YEAH LEFT 4 DEAD 2) and for the occasional get together drinking periods for socialising with the help of driver Sophia Ngiaw *laughs*. So today is Friday eh? Might head back over to good ol' Batu Lintang to join the ISCF club again to see how everyone's doing without the usual seniors in the fray.

Okay then, guess thats the update for today. Peace out.

My Xbox 360

2010-01-26T13:01:00.002+08:00

Cilaka habis. CHANGE THE DAMN DRIVE LAH.

WAITED FOR OVER 2 BLOODY WEEKS OKAY. ARGHHHHS

I promise.

2010-01-20T21:28:00.000+08:00

As I am now, I can't do anything. Please, just wait for me.

Leaving.

2010-01-17T22:03:00.001+08:00

I hate goodbyes.

Everlasting God solo

2010-01-15T12:55:00.000+08:00

John Mayer - I don't need no doctor

2010-01-13T23:57:00.000+08:00

Morning Photography.

2010-01-12T10:46:00.003+08:00

Yeah. I woke up today and noticed a nice light had entered my room through the small slit of the curtains and it illuminated my guitars in such a cool scene. So I got out of bed, grabbed my camera and started snapping.

Yes I admit, I was being vain in the last picture. But it had a cool effect!

And yes, I edited some of the pictures with photoshop to add a little more spice to the collection. Hope you enjoy and there are more pictures on my facebook. Peace out. Time for driving lessons.

Bah.

2010-01-09T14:55:00.001+08:00

Some people need to know the limits of patience.

Options.

2010-01-08T13:30:00.005+08:00

Okay, these days have been like a train of thoughts all meshed up into one big cycle of networks for me. So I'm done with SPM and I'm currently unemployed (Laugh yes you people with jobs I know you got lots of gaji ) while waiting for the (dreaded) results to come crashing out some time later. Now, after all the countless hours of studying and working my almost flattened butt off to get better grades, will I still be doing the same thing over and over again in the coming future?

I have an option of either studying here in the comforts of Kuching or to fly off into a foreign land to taste and experience the cultures of a different lifestyle, most presumably in Australia or New Zea land. I really do want to get out of the familiar (although I'm not really that all familiar) state of Kuching and see a new world, and hey, life is all about learning new things isn't it? The beaches of Australia, the people of different...err....colours besides Chinese, and the way of speech. Attractions galore. AND GYMS ALL AROUND.

So yeah, I might get out and go overseas for studies.

Second task now. I am still not sure on what I should be taking. The word Architecture looms over me like a tall tower and I'm interested in taking that up but the length of that particular course is well, lengthy. My mum and dad support the idea of having an architect as a son, I mean who doesn't want someone in their family who can build houses for them for free? (or maybe at discounted prices) Its a good bargain I must say but I'm still not so sure about this.

What my heart really wants and screams to me every single waking moment, is to take up the joy of learning proper music. I love music to the very depths of my imperfect soul and I can spend hours on end by just noodling around with any sort of instrument (EXCEPT THE DRUMS, that thing is loud). Main instrument on interest is of course, the guitar la. But mum is totally against the idea of me becoming a rockstar in the making. Dad is okay with it as long as it doesn't kill me. I think haha. So yeah, music, a very rocky and unstable thing for me to partake in the long run of life due to many hazards. But hey, why not take the risk for once?

Alright, guess thats was what I wanted to express so far during these rather dull yet not dull to the point of OH-PLEASE-SHOOT-ME holidays. So until the results come on, the topic on what course to take as a career starting point will be on hold till further notice. So, now to play more guitar, get fit and sleep more. Adios people.

Rick Graham And Tom Quayle

2010-01-08T11:27:00.002+08:00

As an avid guitar player roaming the many tunnels of cyberspace (Okay, just youtube) I came across this video of two wonderful guitar players jamming it out. And I was blown away. Thought I'd share it with you guys since this video features a cool mix of fusion playing and...well pretty all the other different genres in music you'll probably find in guitar playing.

Enjoy!

SPAM

2010-01-06T10:20:00.003+08:00

Been getting a lot of spam lately in my emails. Sigh. Don't you just hate spam? It jams up your inbox and then messes with your mind and all. INCREASE THE SIZE OF YOUR *insert favourtie body part here*. What nonsense.

Oh and I just woke up. =D

Good morning everybody.

Photohunt Pictures

2010-01-04T15:31:00.004+08:00

EYM had a photohunt competition last Saturday. I have one word for it, and it was crazy. Can you imagine over say, 40 youths, going all around Kuching asking people to take random shots of them in weird poses and situations? It was hopelessly embarrassing at first but we managed to have loads of fun nonetheless.

I was grouped up with Jia Hsien *If I spelled your name wrong, saya minta maaf*, Esther K, Zhuo Ting, Joan, and err...I forgot the name of one more girl, sorry ya. We had a bit of troubling driving around Kuching since Jia Hsien was really sure of the roads in Kuching due to staying overseas too long but we tried our best. I hope.

Here are a few of the shots:

"Back to school?"

"Waterfront"

"Crocodile hunting."

"Cold Storage area. The Bottle tree."

"A random shot I took while we were walking around the park near Merdeka Palace."

"Jia Hsien walks fast. Too fast. Right Esther?"

"No comment."

"Smileys."

"Lion in the sky."

"T.H.E."

Yeah, it was a great experience going around Kuching and finding out that we didn't really know Kuching that well though having stayed most of our lives here was a "slap to your face" kinda moment. But hey, it was fun. Ok, thats all for me now, I'm going off.

I really need to find a job by the way haha.

Pieces of a Piece

2010-01-04T15:20:00.003+08:00

Pick up a piece,
Where no one works,
Stealing things behind the police,
Underneath a cover of rain they lurk,

Careful with your heart young one,
Be sure with swords and shields or gun,
For when lights leaves the sun,
Your flight becomes undone,

Ride the wind under its wings,
You'll see places and marvelous things,
But tread light and bear in mind,
The world is but pieces of a piece.

The Little Boy's Drawing.

2010-01-01T13:04:00.000+08:00

A little boy was busy drawing shapes and objects on a simple piece of paper he found lying on a lonely table in his father's study. He spread his imagination outwards to where spaceships and robots flew across the world and where superheroes shot laser beams through their eyes. Villains would run away or be thrown into jail in his fantasy world and candies were for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The silent room was then filled with the constant sound of pen coming into contact against paper, random but concentrated.

Then the little boy heard the sound of a car engine slowly increasing in magnitude as his father drove into the compound. The little boy, surprised and overjoyed at his father's return, dropped the pen he had been so in-tuned with for the past hour and rushed out to the living room with his newly completed work of art in hand. The front door clicked as the lock was turned and it gave a small creak as it opened. The evening light entered the house, spreading a path for entry.

And there at the door stood the father of this little boy, a short man in his 30s. Balding hair, a bulging belly and tired eyes; the signs of someone overworked day after day. He came in, dropped his briefcase to one side and proceeded on to sink himself into the sofa. A sigh was heard and he grabbed the remote and turned to the television set. Golf, once more and ever long.

The little boy, eager to show his father his newly drawn paper stood in front of him, blocking his father's view of the television.

"Hey Papa, look! I made a drawing today!" he cried out excitedly. His father was annoyed.
"Well, thats a very a good drawing," he mumbled, turning his head from side to side to have a better view of the TV.
"What do you think papa?" He held the drawing closer to his father's face. He was grinning, waiting for a response.

His father grew impatient.

"Look son, I'm trying to enjoy some time for myself right now. Its been a long day at work and papa needs-"
"But you haven't even really looked at it yet! See, this blue spaceship here is yours," the little boy pointed at a triangle he had drawn," and this green robot here is mine and we-" His father grabbed the drawing out of the little boy's hand. He took a glance.

And then he crumpled the drawing up into a ball and threw it aside.

"Don't bother me while I'm watching TV. Now go play in your room." He said this without even looking at his son. His son was in disbelief. He turned away from his father, no, this stranger who stepped into this house and picked up his crumpled up ball of a drawing. His feet felt like stones trapped underneath the unrelenting pressure of the ocean depths. The walls around him seemed as if they were laughing at his failure.

The little boy's heart hurt.

He returned to his room. And he cried.

The little boy's drawing lay untouched.

*~*~*

Personal experience in a way.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T11:56:00.005+08:00

2009 has been a great year and its finally come to an end. So now, all thats left for me to do it a final send-off to a year old friend.

Thanks 2009 for all those laughing moments.

Thanks for all the great food throughout the year.

Thanks for the new guitars 2009. I really love em' to death.

And thanks 2009 for all the friends I have for making this life a little more worth living.

Thank you 2009 and goodbye.

Hello 2010. =)

Updates

2009-12-23T12:08:00.002+08:00

Okay I know, I haven't been truly faithful to this blog since SPM ended so I apologise...eh buat apa, my blog suka hati akulah mok update ke sik. Anyways, post-spm life? Wonderful. A little aimless at times but hey, better than sitting down for hours on end memorising stuff I don't really have an interest in at all.

Finally registered for driving lessons last Monday, so expect Kuching roads to be a hazardous haven in 3 months (or more/less). Then I attended the EBC D'Encounter camp a week before and it was a great experience both spiritually and physically. Met a whole load of new people which then leads to being friends at camp and then to the numerous friend requests we get on Facebook (Last time I counted, it was 16 friend request. Not too shabby eh?).

Then a day after the camp, I decided to get a new look. POST SPM MAH CAN RIGHT? So I followed mum off to the land of women (Beauty Saloons) to get my hair dyed. They had so many colours to choose from and I was sakai macam budak baru jumpa tikus yang boleh terbang but I chose to stick with the reddish hue kinda dye cause I remembered Hanamichi from Slam Dunk. RED HAIR POWER. So yeah, I'm reddish.

These days, its been a real joy ride so far and my face isn't covered in erupted pimples anymore due to stress levels being set low (AH no need study anymore wooo!) and sleep deprivation cured (woke up at 1 pm one day. Felt good.)

But right now, I have no idea what I wanna do next.

NVM, JUST JAM GUITAR.

*hurries off and plays Rock Band*

Its Over.

2009-12-09T01:00:00.001+08:00

A new day is upon us.

Freedom is its name.

Final Fight

2009-12-03T19:42:00.001+08:00

Chemistry.

Finish the fight.

SPM haste

2009-11-05T18:29:00.001+08:00

I got 12 days left.

Argh.

Run for the Nation 2009

2009-10-10T14:16:00.003+08:00

Today was an incredible day.

Running 5km across Kuching.

We prayed, we sang, we believed.

God, thank you.

And to everyone involved, you guys are fire that keeps the spirit of God burning.

Godspeed. =)

Was I wrong?

2009-10-07T14:21:00.000+08:00

Its sunny outside today,
I cover my eyes,
Bright lights form casting those sunlit rays,
And far away in the shade you surprise,

We sat next to each other,
We talk and we laugh and we dance,
Happy was my heart with you near,
For even the storms and seas I did not fear,

Then the sky broke down from above,
Who was he I ask?
You dare not tell,
My emotions fumbled and I fell,

I used to chase after you,
You were like lightning,
Swift and beautiful,
You captured my heart without a moment's rest,

Now here I am close to you,
But you don't see,
Hidden behind the mass of people,
I am unseen,

It was in this park that my fears came true,
That bouquet of flowers in my hand,
Drops and falls on hardened soil,
Who is that whom you held hands?

Sigh.

It was another heartbreak all over again.

My face feels dry,
I touch it,
And surprise was all I could muster,
For no tears, no meaningless drops were found,

Just a heart that was torn too much,
To ever feel the familiar sense of lost,
Long gone with the wind,
I pick up the broken pieces of life.

And leave.

***

Author's note: EMONESS MAX!

Phil Wickham - True Love

2009-10-04T18:07:00.000+08:00

One of the best voices I heard so far.

Blast! Drumline Battery Battle

2009-10-02T20:31:00.000+08:00

Long Forgotten Chances.

2009-10-02T16:02:00.003+08:00

"Hey, you okay today?" she asks as she walks into the room. I stop strumming my guitar and put it down to face her with a smile.

"Yeah, never been better!" I try to make my smile seem as genuine as possible, showing my haphazard array of teeth. She frowns.

"You can't lie to me. I know something's up. What is it?" The smile fades away and I bow my head down. She knows me too well.

"I was just thinking...letting my thoughts run wild for a few moments..."

"And with that you suddenly become all sentimental and stuff? C'mon, tell me. " I turn my face to her, my eyes solemn. "Well?"

"Guess I'm just feeling nostalgic thats all," I say,choosing my words carefully. I touch the edge my guitar, moving my finger across the maple body. Gathering my thoughts. "I used to hate those days where I was still involved in the Sports Events they usually hold every other time of the year. The coach would drive us insane with all that training in order to beef us up for the competitions. Right now, I'm missing those days so much." I smile to myself as a few images of those days rushed back.

She looked skeptical. "You? Training?"

I turn to her and grin. "Yeah, I know, hard to believe eh?"

She stifled a laugh. "I just can't see you as a runner man, you just seem too...well, you just don't look like it!"

I pick up the guitar again and pretend as if I was about to lash out at her with it. "And you do?"

She finally laughs. "Hey, who are we talking about here? Me or you? Because if its about me looking like a runner, then you know we could go on for ages." I laugh as well. She had a point there, and arguing with her was a bad idea. Girls tended to have a better flair of words compared to us guys.

"Okay, I get your point. I guess I just can't help it, its like disease. Whenever I see those athletes training out there in the field, I get all caught up in myself. And I sometimes hate it." I sigh. Those days were long gone and I was just too spent to get myself running again. I cover my face with my hands.

"What happened?" she asks. It wasn't like her to sound all concerned suddenly. I myself was surprised.

"A mistake. I made a huge mistake that cost me so much." My face goes blank. That fateful day came rushing back like lightning. "It was raining that night. I was out with a few friends and we were just coming back from a party at some club. We were...well, dead drunk. I know, underage drinking is illegal but I thought maybe just this once...just this once. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

I look out the window. The sky was red with the coming sunset. She sits still, listening.

"It was all fine until the ride back. One of my friends lost control of his car and we were sent crashing into one of the buildings in the housing area nearby. It was...tragic. My other buddies managed to get out with just a few cuts and a nosebleed but I was knocked out. My seat was where the impact of the crash was strongest. All I saw before that crash was a whirlwind of water, glass and blood. Next thing I knew, I was strapped down in the hospital."

"My goodness...I didn't know... " she says. She sits closer. I start to choke on my words. "I'm so sorry..." she whispers.

"Broke my leg in three places. Ribs too. Had a pretty bad concussion. I was out for a year." I curse. I hated that memory. I hated having to stay in the hospital while the other runners had their fun.

"I missed my chance. I missed it by a year." I start to cry. The room is silent. All I could hear was my own pitiful sobs. I suddenly feel her hold my hand. "I made a mistake. Damnit, if I could only get back and fix this, things would be different! But I blew it. I blew it." I throw my guitar away. It hit the floor with a loud bang.

"Hey, its gonna be alright. Trust me." And she laid her head on my shoulder. She still held onto my hand. I could only cry some more.

"I sure hope so," I say. "I really do hope so."

"Have faith." She says."I believe in you."

We sat there for ages. Without a word.

Study Frenzy

2009-09-30T18:07:00.000+08:00

SPM's coming up. Gotta focus now. Updates in December most probably. Peace.

Farewell.

2009-09-25T14:40:00.001+08:00

I lost a friend today.

Rest in Peace.

Skillet

2009-09-24T10:48:00.000+08:00

Hello There Melody

2009-09-15T23:16:00.004+08:00

Hello there melody,
How are you today?
You seem to be quite down what not,
Without that familiar upbeat tempo of yours,

What is ever the matter with you?
Did you fall and skin your knee?
Or perhaps maybe you haven't had your stew?
Might you instead enjoy a certain swim in the sea?

No? Then I cannot consider what is troubling you there,
Where has your sweet music gone too?
Please bring it back before all joy of a rumble is lost!
The world requires that of which you have caused!

Speak to me oh faint melody,
Was it of my doing that you are now as this?
If so, I apologize deeply for my incompetence,
I have thought so little of you till wide has been the distance,

Come back oh melody and fill our now barren hearts,
Humans and creatures all alike cannot live without sparks,
Life as a whole would be devoid of essence,
Without that joyful sound of your presence,

So come back to our hearts oh melody,
Let the world resound again in a symphony of gold,
Restore this graying plains into fields of green,
So that we may experience life as it should have been.

~Musician's experience on song writing block.

Panorama Fun

2009-09-13T14:42:00.002+08:00

Me driving hahaha

2009-09-12T20:47:00.000+08:00

It isn't real.

2009-09-11T16:43:00.000+08:00

This broken piece of glass I hold,
Thought bright it reflects light,
Lost is its wonder and gold,
Its beauty and spirit taken flight,

My bleeding hand drips red,
The once whole mirror now shattered,
A feeling of joy within dead,
My hope and faith battered,

It wasn't real that sight I saw,
It wasn't real the light I heard,
It was a mirage of a dream real yet false,
And I let myself be caught in a hopeless cause,

Here in this space of forgotten words,
Let it be said that I was blind,
Clashing shield and clashing swords,
Trying my hardest yet could not find,

That time of laughter.
That time of closeness.
That time of tears.
Those long lost years.

They weren't real.

You weren't real.

You are.

Drunk before Math

2009-09-10T23:28:00.001+08:00

Math revision just challenged my brain to its limits today. I just hope to do better in tomorrow's exam. Get a B, get a B, get a B. If I get an A, memang blessing man!

Ok, sleep. Chiaw.

Let the Pain Fall.

2009-09-06T20:10:00.003+08:00

Do you remember the rain?
Your tears were flowing in streams,
Yet I was standing right in front of you,
And I could not see the hurt,

I open my mouth to speak,
But you gave me a slap to silence my lips,
Only then did I understand,
But it was too late for you ran,

I rushed after your steps,
My clothes, my eyes, my guilt all drenched in regret,
As the sounds of water rushed down,
I caught your arm within the midst of sound,

You screamed and told me to get away,
Turning my once whole heart into ashes of clay,
What is it? I ask,
Listen to me, what did I do wrong?

You pushed yourself from my grasp,
And then you looked me in the eye,
Sad they were,
Of blue and tears so clear,

Its over you say,
And my heart stops dead in silence,
I'm tired of your mistakes,
I'm tired of putting up with your deceits,

So leave me.
Leave me be.

You walked across the rain covered street,

Into a world I could not see,

Into a realm I did not know,
Into nothing.

And I cried.